Next Thursday I go to the local clinic, a good 2 hours away, and have an abortion.

Yes, I am aware of what I am doing, no you cannot stop me or “save” me, and I do not care what your imaginary friend in the sky will think of me. For what it’s worth the Tooth Fairy thinks I’m totally awesome and the Easter Bunny has already promised to hook me up in the after life.

Writing this has me torn. On one side, I want to share another positive experience to counter the lies and propaganda sold my the other side. Women need to see that they do not have to be shamed, they do not have to mourn something they do not want, and there are plenty of women who make this choice calmly and rationally.

On the other side, I have seen how those people can be. They video tape women walking into clinics, they write down license plate numbers, they fallow and threaten and harass. The idea of a woman choosing abortion without a drop of shame is like waving a red flag.

How do I be honest, without giving them enough ammunition to find me and my family? Frankly, I don’t know.

I am in the middle of my first trimester, inching closely to the second half of it. At which point my options change where I life. Why did I wait so long? Lots of reasons, money being the first. I also needed to find time and childcare.

Yes, I am a mother. I have seen many ultrasounds. I have heard the heartbeats, felt kicks, and known the love a woman can have for her unborn child. I also understand the difference between a child, and a growing mass of cells with the potential to become a child.

Each one of my children was my choice, not a punishment forced upon me for having sex. Because of that I love them, rather than resent their presence.

This pregnancy was unexpected. We cannot afford another child, we do not have room for another child, and my body is not ready to experience pregnancy again so soon after our last child. Since it is my body that will suffer the brunt of this, I have chosen not to continue this pregnancy.

I live in a country where I have choice, and I feel no pains in exercising that privilege.

Next Thursday.