The closer it gets to my abortion, the more I find I have only 1 fear. It’s not the pain, or the bleeding, or the drugs.

I’m terrified of not having the abortion.

My “what if”s are full of horror stories about my childcare pulling out at the last minute. Of an unexpected emergency needing my scraped together funds. The car breaking down and not being able to drive the two hours to the clinic. What if my confirmed athiest partner suddenly finds Jesus and tries to stop me? What if the sky crashes down or aliens abduct me?

OK, so some of the scenarios are obviously outrageous. But I’m still scared. Until I am tucked into that room, being handed my pills, I am going to be a ball of nerves. I wish it was over with already.

Instead I worry that somehow, something is going to get in the way.

Continuing this pregnancy freaks me out a lot more than abortion does.

Counting down the minutes.